It’s raining; it’s pouring…for the first time in Orange County, CA in like 364 days. And I am at the office, so I am in no danger of falling out of bed and bumping my head today.

I love the rain. I miss the cloudy days with thunderstorms that they have in the South. The kind where all the leaves on the trees turn a vibrant shade of green and pop against the dark sky. However, I don’t miss the humidity. Today, my hair is so out of control, I could barely get it in a ponytail holder. It is sticking up every which way!

This past year has been a year of change.  Took a job I didn’t like, started a patio garden, upped my work outs to twice/day, started pilates and about to start a new job that hopefully holds a challenge and some excitement.  Most importantly, I am ready to move on.  I’ve finally dealt with the grief that I carried with me for 23 years.  Years of therapy, anti-depressants, anger and bitterness — finally over.  A feeling of happiness and contentment that is a whole new experience for me.  Don’t get me wrong – I am still as crazy as ever and slightly OCD, but happy.

While many say there are 5 or 7 stages of grief, they never say how long it will take.  I recently said to an old friend that I wished that someone would have helped me years ago, but perhaps I was not ready or just simply too young.  My friend recently found out she has cancer and asked for advice for how to prepare in the event of the worst.  From the perspective of a child, I recommend that you create a box for each of your children and include:

• hand written notes about their childhood and little stories you remember
• family medical history
• photo albums with photos of you with them (old school style) and include who is in the photo and dates
• stories of your own childhood and how you met your spouse/significant other
• family recipes

My niece said once that she lives every day like it is her last.  I informed her that if she keeps it up, it could be and not to wish her days away.  I recommend that you live every day with no regrets and tell those who matter most how much you love them.

So now what? I am focusing on my health and eating well (something I never learned growing up).  Moving to CA 5 years ago probably saved my life.  I am 50 lbs lighter, eat better and exercise more than I have in my entire life.  Oh and I look better — a little Botox, Juvederm and sunscreen go a long way. I plan on continuing.

My Granny used to tell me that according to Emily Post there is a cardinal rule to never be late.   Now I find myself with a good friend, lets call her Sarah, who can’t tell time or doesn’t care to tell time. She is frequently late and uses traffic as her excuse all the time. Traffic in my opinion causes you to be late up to 20 minutes or so in Southern California — not hours! (Unless there is a Sigalert and that is NOT an every day occurrence.)

After the 3rd week of giving her the benefit of the doubt, I have had enough. Yesterday, Sarah and I had plans to meet at 2:30pm at South Coast Plaza’s Crate and Barrel.  I was about to leave at 3:30 after running my errands when low and behold…guess who decides to appear? Sarah… a whole hour late!  I realized that Sarah is like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland and is always chasing the clock; however, I am about to push her rear end down the rabbit hole and call it a day.  As I will no longer be waiting or even asking her to do anything anymore — until she can get some time management help.

Here are few resources I hope Sarah finds helpful:
1.  Franklin Covey they offer great courses and products to help with time management and they might be able to help you PLAN to be on time!
2.  Timex — get a watch!

Why would I write about my “Adventures in Botox“?  Because you all ask “what do I use on my face?”,  “does it hurt?”, “how much does it cost?”, “how long does it last?”, etc. and you have also heard me bitch about my previous med-spa, so I did it!  I switched.  It was like a divorce leaving the spa where I had been going for 4 years, but after a mediocre Botox injection and a bad facial, it was time to go.  And I couldn’t put it off any more, since I felt like my face was caving in and the lines on my face made me look really old and angry.

Orange County, CA is where the famous women of The Real Housewives of Orange County made many consider getting Botox for the first time, so when in Rome why not go where they go! So last Wednesday, I tried Pure Indulgence Skin Rejuvenation run by GiGi on a recommendation from a friend and one of her current clients.  I was a little hesitant at first, since it is located in Laguna Niguel, CA.  I consider Laguna Niguel/Mission Viejo the last exit before Mexico off the freeway.  However, I was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t take that long from Newport via the 73 Toll Road (approx 10 min).

When I arrived, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  But I was delighted to find a waiting area that was quite lovely and products like Benev that I have been using forever.  I got to chat with the assistant for bit and found everyone there really friendly.  GiGi was running on time for my appt and was fantastic — very knowledgeable and personable. She made me feel like I had known her forever.  Getting Botox hurts, so I am not going to pretend that there was some magic that made it better.  However, perhaps because I was so relaxed, I didn’t cry and I also had no bruising (indiv results vary).  This is HUGE for me, since I bruise easy and I usually have to hide behind concealer for a few days.

If you are in the OC area and need to put yourself back together, visit Pure Indulgence and tell them Tricia B sent you.  After all…who matters more that you?

Pure Indulgence Skin Rejuvenation
949-582-7873
27601 Forbes Rd, Ste 4,
Laguna Niguel, CA 92677
www.PureIndulgenceSkin.com

PS…I waited to write my review, since the longer I seem to use Botox the longer it takes to start working.  It has been a week and my frow lines have finally softened and smoothed out. And the horizontal lines on my forehead have disappeared.  I realize that it must look good, since Saturday at the market a lady asked if I used collagen and I told her “No, Botox and Juvederm”.   Next up, I am going to make an appt to try the aesthetician for a facial, I will let you know how it goes.

Both of my Grannies were amazing cooks and one even had a restaurant.  I learned to cook from both of them, since they took turns caring for me growing up.  My Dad’s Mom specialized in rolls, peanut butter cake, pound cake and an assortment of candied desserts.  While my Mom’s Mom rocked chicken and dumplins’ and an assortment of old school Southern food.  They taught me how to cook from scratch and from memory (no recipes).  My Mom’s Mom even taught me to cook with one hand, so one hand is always free to answer the phone or get the door (this was even a challenge on Top Chef Masters recently).  Today, a lady at Sur La Table even called me Tricia “Deen”, since I helped her with a recipe while in the store.  I had a good laugh as Paula Deen is no where near as good my Grannies in my opinion.

Not long before my Grannies fell ill and both passed away, I spent time with each of them capturing the recipes that we made together throughout the years.  I love bringing out their recipes or even making their classic meals for my family and friends to enjoy.  It keeps me close to them and also to my Mom. My Mom taught me how to make biscuits that she learned from Granny.  I still have the old Wilton baking sheet she used for biscuits ever since I was a little girl.  The sheet is really thin, bent on one side, metal (created long before non-stick) and is starting to get powdery.  I don’t use it much any more, but it will always remain in my kitchen among my other pots and pans.  And I find myself smiling every time I see the baking sheet as I remember all the great times making biscuits.

The kids aren't sure what to do or what it is

I take Max and Maisy to the dog park several times per week and while I am a little biased that my babies are the cutest things ever, there is one dog that I have tried to capture on my iPhone several times now. Then finally last week, it happened. The ugliest dog ever reappeared at the Bark Park. It is none other than a Pekingese Chinese Crested Mix. It has no hair on the top of its head and its tongue hangs out of its mouth. Oh and it has no teeth. And believe it or not, the little guy was born this way.

I imagine if Cousin It had a dog that it would look very similar to this little guy.

Pekingese Chinese Crested Mix

I find it entertaining that people think they know me because I drive a Toyota Prius, recycle, eat organic and care about what I buy my little dogs/kids.  These folks think that I am some crazy liberal, tree hugger, eco snob, outdoor nut, Whole Foods shopper, save the children, or feed the world freak.  Let me straighten this out for you:

1.  I am independent (not that it is any of your business)

2.  I love trees and the environment.  I suffer from asthma and clean air is important to me and it should be to you.

3.  I love the beach and spending time outside, but I would never be caught dead camping.  BTW…my idea of camping is staying at a Holiday Inn.

4.  Even I have my limits for eco products.  I tried Seventh Generation dishwasher detergent and freaked out at the residue left on my dishes and after 3 wks, happily went back to Cascade.

5.  Not a fan of saving the children, in fact, I don’t really like most children  (except nieces and nephews who are fabulous).  I support animal causes and the environment.

6.  As for feeding the world, I tend to be more concerned about what I am going to feed myself for dinner.  Although I did get a FEED bag at Whole Foods, but was really ticked off when I realized the bag was made in China, but comically the tag says “made fairly in China”.  What the hell does that even mean?

7.  I love yoga as a form of exercise, but I only stopped taking my blackberry to class about 1 yr ago.  I have A.D.D. (not really), but I have too much to do to be quiet and cut off from the world for 1 solid hour.

8.  I buy organic because I care what I eat and pesticides are not good for anyone.  I also buy designer handbags and shoes because bad accessories are also not good for anyone.

Have you ever changed hair stylists?  Did you tell the stylists why you were leaving?  Or did you just sneak off  and make an appt at a different salon without saying a word?  Well I never thought when I would decided to change gyms that it would feel like changing hair stylists or even worse…filing for divorce!!!

This year when my monthly fee was raised, I decided this was it — time for something new.  So I did it! I  switched from the 24 Hour Lake Shore Towers Ultra-Sport to Equinox. I thought I would escape the switch with no notice or fan fare, but after almost 5 years at the same gym, I know way too many people there. The folks there made me feel bad when I terminated my membership and tried to guilt me into staying.

The change wasn’t all about the increased fees, but the overall condition of the bldg and numerous issues with the laundry service this past year or so.  Even with the remodel a few years ago, the bldg shows its age.  And even with the remodel, the restrooms and showers were not touched.  As an executive member I enjoyed laundry service until socks wouldn’t be returned, clothes were ruined or I would receive someone else’s clothes and mine were never be seen again.  While the manager’s went above and beyond to compensate me, some of my favorite Nike clothes were not replaceable.

Over the last few days, I have over come my fears and guilt of changing gyms.  Not to mention the Equinox is pretty!!  And I have found a revived energy in the switch.

Most may think that what happens after death is something spiritual. However, in my family, life after the death of my Mom turned into an impact that we are all still dealing with every day.

After her death, we never talked about her. We would rarely mention her name and when we did, it usually ended in an argument or tears that no one could hold back.

Everyone was so sad/angry or hiding behind religion rather than dealing with the loss. It is easy for me to have this view now, but at the time I never wanted to do anything to upset my Dad. He had been thru too much and was left with three (3) kids (two still lived at home).

The impact hit us all differently:
My Dad — a deep sadness and loss that he wore daily for years. Found comfort in his religion. Still shows his regret for things he should have said and/or done differently in quiet moments with immediate family.

My older sister — married shortly after our Mom passed away and rarely came home to visit. Battled with an eating disorder most of her life.  Yet, she is the most amazing person I know and a great role model for anyone who knows her.

My middle sister — got pregnant and became every parent’s worst nightmare. Imagine an after school special and she could have been the star of every episode. Took almost 20 yrs for her to pull herself together.

Uncle (my Mom’s brother) — Constantly regrets not being there when my Mom took a turn for the worst and has spent his whole life being angry.

Granny (Mom’s Mom) — to see a parent grieve for a child is possibly the one image that I can’t erase from my mind. A sadness and void that is without words.

Me — spent most of my life being the caretaker of my family. And hid my anger until one day I couldn’t handle it any more. Years of therapy and finally grieving for my Mom enabled me to move on with my life.

There is no reasoning for why someone dies vs someone else. I used to ask my Dad “why her” and he would tell me that God would look down on the world as a field of flowers and only pick the very best flowers and our Mom was one of the best flowers ever. Nice try but in my view that is total crap and did nothing but make us all the more dysfunctional.

My Dad remarried almost 6 years after my Mom passed away.  He didn’t even start dating until 5 years after she passed.  It was hard for me even as a teenager to accept my Dad dating.  Women in our church chased him and it was awkward.  I never imagined women chasing my Dad or trying to be nice to me because they like him. At first it kind of grossed me out.

Today, he has been married to my Stepmom for 17 years.  Audrey is amazing.  I didn’t always feel that way.  People would accidentally call her my Mom in the early days and I would go ballistic.  I would yell or scream that “She was NOT my Mom”!  As nice as she was, she wasn’t my Mom and for a long time I felt that if I really liked her (or loved her) that some how it would be betraying the love for my Mom. Sounds dumb to write that, but it felt like an internal battle or sorts (like her vs. not like her).

I have known Audrey longer than I knew my own Mom.  Audrey has been there as a part of my life from high school graduation, going to college, holidays, my first marriage, my divorce, death of my Grandmothers, birth of my sister’s children (all three), and my move across country.  Somewhere along the way, I realized that I wanted my Dad to be happy and not to be alone.  So basically, I grew up.

She was so much help when I went through my divorce, since she has first hand experience from her first marriage.  Her advice and guidance enabled me to overcome the situation and be stronger because of it.  I also think because of her experience, it gave my Dad a different perspective  on what I was going through and he was tremendously supportive as well.

We are blessed to have her as part of our family.  I often think that I want to call her Mom.  Would my sisters’ care?  I know as a group that we have introduced her as our Mom Audrey, but I think it is ok that we just call her Mom.